The most reliable proprietors of Fake news!

The most reliable proprietors of Fake news are hidden around you and live for the sake of your generous attention. Fake news, in today's scenario, travels faster than the speed of light, and "the problem with being faster than the speed of light is that you can only live in darkness" or something like that, you might remember this quote from a meme, this also holds here. The Era of Fake news is dark, and like our humour, the proprietors of this fake news live in the dark too. Here we present some of the organic and non-organic sources of fake news, which will help you spread your home-made propaganda to the ones around you. 100% Reliable Sources for free!!

Your relatives on social media.

From the "Good morning" written on a Teacup or flowers to the cow with three pairs of eyes, our relatives have shared everything and anything possible from their phones. Maybe they are the real "shitposting" machines. Let alone jokes about husband and wives ( "pati ne kaha chai banao toh patni boli itne saal se chai hi banati aa rhi hu….." I forget the rest, but you get the gist) boomers have already started sharing political posts about their favourite political parties as if they were in the cabinet. The Children of such relatives (your cousins) are now carrying the torch forward and we don't know if this legacy will ever end! Our beloved relatives and our senseless cousins get the first mention in our listicle of "The most reliable proprietors of Fake news!"

Neighbours are very "ear-ly" to act as The most reliable proprietors of Fake news!

Our neighbours

No! I'm not talking about China or Pakistan, I'm talking about the "Aunty" who wears a Maxie and calls your mother for some banal chit-chat every after-noon. From time immemorial these "dynamic news tabloids" have helped our human societies to spread news faster than Zuckerberg's election campaign (we'll come to this in the next bullet point). Yes, even we don't know that she has information about "Verma ji ka ladka" trying to hit it off with that "lower caste ki ladki" and yes, we don't think that "neech ladki" has done any "kala Jaadu" on Verma ji's "Gora chitta" boy. But we know that this won't stop as this is the only true entertainment for people in sudden and urgent need of gossip with no context. Aunties will get the lifetime achievement award in our listicle of "The most reliable proprietors of Fake news!"

Facebook more like "Fakebook" acts as both; the filler for our abysmal void and The most reliable proprietors of Fake news!

Zuckerberg's illegitimate child.

Hey, what's wrong in that? everyone says he gave birth to Facebook, right? (Ok, maybe bad joke).But seriously, Facebook can tag the video of my hair-less hamster running around as "in-appropriate", but billionaires spending $284 million in political ads as a part of the election campaign is just fine? Bizzare. It's not technically "fake-news" but Millenials get their news feeds primarily and directly from social media. I don't know the difference between a political ad and news when I use my phone just after I took a 30-minute nap at the bus stop.

Just shut the "Fake" up Alarm clocks you are literally The most reliable proprietors of Fake news!

4.Our alarm-clocks!

You heard it. I go to sleep for five minutes, I wake up after five and a half hours. What the hell is wrong with my alarm clock? behaving like the announcement of results by Indian Universities. It would be great if Facebook could show me an ad for an alarm clock which hits you at your glottis whenever you sleep longer than you imagined, rather than the photo of Trump dressed as "Ku Klux Klan" (where's the fashion sense, yuck!).

5.BSNL trying to get "Naughty"

This is cringe, shameful, funny and even sexy sometimes. People who have a BSNL will relate to me left right and centre. People who don't- maybe you should get one for the fun of it. I have received texts like " Akele ho, call kro abhi", " pyaar kro mujhe poori tarah, Call karo aur milne ajao" and " Doori acchi nahi iss baarish mein, aao baat krein thodi der tak". The funny thing is: I tried calling them and couldn't connect. The serious thing is: How do they know I'm so lonely?. Anyway, this B grade soft porn in the form of "tweets" should stop (or let's get real with it). BSNL becomes the only government organisation to get mentioned in "The most reliable proprietors of Fake news!".

The news anchor has many faces or as we call it "Fakes". They are the most generous contributors in our listicle of The most reliable proprietors of Fake news!

6.Indian media.

All of us know about this. We don't think we need to elaborate on anything. But I'll just put it out there: the Rs.500 note has a microchip installed which can track the activity of the currency; hence tracking black money. There is going to be a nuclear war and you need to build a sand bunker to be safe. Kim Jong Un has ten lady security guards, also, he has an ill-habit of smoking and his wife is unhappy. Do you want to know the sources of these statements? Just switch on your TV sets and watch "The news".

7.Indian Education System

Did you learn in school that " Doing your homework will make you a good person?" well, I did my homework every day but the last time when police caught me selling loose footwear I stole from the temple; I got thrashed for showing them my 5th grade math homework ( for God's sake, that was the last time I was remarked as "Good" with a single star). On a serious note, the system has taught us that studying well gets us a good job, but it did not tell us that we'll require to go to a coaching centre for 6 hours and that still won't SECURE us a job. It also dictated that you should participate in co-curricular activities as it makes you an "all-rounder", but it did not reveal that this accounts for nothing and you'll just be a person who can fill excel sheets, sing, dance and has enough money left at the end of the month to buy cheap whiskey. Thanks for the all-round development! Now I'm an alcoholic too. Indian education system becomes the widest and most popular mention in "The most reliable proprietors of Fake news!".

Ahh! The good old Indian tradition, "Kaanta Ben" is regular solicitor of The most reliable proprietors of Fake news!

8."Kaanta Ben"

Funny how we can call her "sister Kaanta" and label her as another missionary trying to convert people into Christianity ( I can be a reliable fake news proprietor). The "help" in "Kal ho na ho" who thought that Shahrukh and Saif are homosexuals makes it to our list. She might just be a character but she can also be a profound metaphor for all the helps/maids around India. Played by Sulbha Arya, the veteran actress of Hindi and Marathi films/television/theatre, "Kaanta Ben" explores the comedy in which news spreads through our "helps" working in different households. She is another variation of that "Aunty in Maxie" I mentioned earlier. She might be sweeping your floor but her eyes are always watching the way you laugh looking at your phone's screen. At least my house help is the only reason how my parents came to know I roam around with "girls wearing shorts shorter than my forehead" (yes, she said it the same way).

 

The only thing missing from this listicle is my will to live, that is also Fake news, get it?? ehh ehhh? (Ok. That was insensitive). So long for now, but we will keep searching for "The most reliable proprietors of Fake news!" and tell you about them.