1001 ways to get a divorce.

First of all, there aren't going to be literally 1001 ways, we have other stuff to do, there could probably be 5-7 ways and then you can figure out the rest by yourself. Secondly, this is not only applicable to married couples, but it is also applicable to people in generic relationships, facebook relationships, long-distance and all sorts adjust the parameters by the type you prefer. Here we go-

1001 ways to get a divorce.

Burrp-ity

This is one of those weapons which can drive people away from you any instant. Belching, as its called, comprises of what our father and grand-father figures do when they have their tummy full or have acidity, but of course, you can't leave them, that is your mom's and grandmom's territory. Nevertheless, if you're having problems with your partner, try it, try burping on the dinner table, on the bed, on the sofa, in the bathroom, at their parents', just anywhere- maybe on their face ( I'm nauseated already, get away from me).

1001 ways to get a divorce.

Fart-ity

Another one, this is lethal, use it with caution, do not force it otherwise you might end up shitting your pants and do not try it in case you have diarrhoea. This is also one of those things which our father figures and grand-father figures are comfortable doing - fairly. In your home, outside, at the station, at the bus stop, anywhere, do it and drive away people from you. The good thing might be to announce that you're doing it, gathering more n more shame in public vis-a-vis resulting in your partner leaving you and never ever contacting you or never even accepting that they knew you at any point of time.

1001 ways to get a divorce.

Secur-ity

Have you ever tried being a bodyguard and security guard to your partner, trust me it'll drive them nuts! People love being independent and when someone tries to take control of their lives or in other words 'Babysit' them- they go crazy. It has a reason, most people do jobs outside their cities so that they get away from their parents' regular interference in their lives. Ask your partner where they went, where they were roaming around, where they ate, what do they eat, whether they need help in anything, open the doors for them, close the doors behind them, maybe tell them to record all their calls and send them to you so that you'll take care of loose ends (LoL). Very peculiar but a great way to drive them away.

1001 ways to get a divorce.

Hajmola-ity

A fine way to make people dislike you is by eating Hajmola pills and talking to people, the shitty-fart breathe can easily make them hate you. Try kissing your partner while eating a Hajmola ( ewwww), just don't do it when you're in a bed with white bedsheets because there's a chance they'll vomit and the sheets might get dirty, so yeah, take care of that, but otherwise, it's a wise way to get away, you can even play a prank on them by kissing them with your Hajomola filled mouth and asking them: "Why does your mouth smell like shit?" This will not only disgust them but also make them angry- fulfilling your desire.

1001 ways to get a divorce.

Jim Carr-ity

Over the years we have seen our beloved Jim Carrey doing goofy stuff over the silver and the small screen alike, we love to see him, he makes us laugh but what if he was your partner? What if the idiot in "Dumb and Dumber" was, in fact, your lover? With the same haircut and all, would you socially accept them? What if your partner wore a green mask and played pranks on genuine citizens while smiling with extra white teeth in their mouth? Would you accept them socially? Nobody would dare to roam around with such lunatics (some would, but then, we are being general). Try doing all this stuff when you're roaming around the market with your loved one or maybe just get that 'dumb and dumber' haircut, it is a fool-proof way to getaway!

1001 ways to get a divorce.

Die-ity

Just die. You'll get away from everyone.

1001 ways to get a divorce.

Gargle-ity

The most annoying are those beings who gargle loudly and spit the water on the roads or those who put water in their mouth after eating and gargle with their lips shut, like moving the water around their tongue and cheeks and making disgusting noises while doing so, in my humble opinion, such things, when done in public, must be punishable maybe even guillotine-able. Anyways, if it's disgusting to me, it might be disgusting to at least 70% of the population. Try doing this knowingly. I can't even write more, I'm feeling sick already. Good-bye.